This really needs to be on the internet. The CLASSIC Taurus Eulogy. In case you're not familiar, this is the eulogy I wrote for Brett's car when it died in October 2002:
We're gathered here to day to remember a great car. It wasn't the prettiest car ever made, and it wasn't the most comfortable, but we loved it anyways. This car was more than just a car, more than just mechanical parts. This car was alive. Sure the physical body of the car has passed away, but the spirit will live forever. I believe the spirit of the Taurus has gone on to a better place, a place where it can soar at speeds greater than 68 miles per hour, a place where all 4 cylinders work, and a place where the oil's always full. I believe the spirit of the Taurus will receive a new body wherever it may be. A body with alloy wheels, a rust free exterior, and an uncracked windshield. If the Taurus was with us today, it might say something like, "Why are there ice skates in the trunk in October?" or "I'm embarrassed by these target hubcaps." But I'd like to think that the glory of it's new beginnings would let it forget about all the hardships it endured, and it would just say, "I'm alive and I'm free, thanks for all the good times." So take comfort and rejoice, the Taurus is no longer constrained to the physics of this world. It's moved on to bigger better places, I can only hope it'll be waiting with all four doors open when when we join it again. The Taurus is gone from this earth, but it's spirit will live on in us. Forever. So whenever you smell bunt oil and pollution coming from an old car in front of you, I hope the words "crappy Taurus" will flow through your head. Amen.
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